Often times in a desperate attempt at closure in a relationship some of us tend to make a complete ASS out of ourselves. Look I wish I could say I have never kept pace with a moving taxi-cab on my own personal quest for “Closure”(on more than one occasion☺).

So now I am here to stop the madness! I found a trick that saves me from losing my cool completely anymore. I have a good friend I text when I want to text an ex, she saves all my embarrassing stuff. And we have a good laugh when I have a little more of a clear head.

Now I am so happy to help you grow too, my friend. Whether you are drunk or sober use me for your drunken dialing purposes I implore you!! PUT DOWN THAT BLACKBERRY, DROP THAT CELL-PHONE, AND LOG OFF THAT FACE BOOK PAGE AND JUST EMAIL ME FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!!! TRUST ME YOU WILL FEEL A LOT BETTER!

Just mark whether or not you want it kept confidential (if you don't mind, others can learn from your mistakes too - but that's optional). The point here is to save you from yourself. We all need an unbiased filter sometimes and a way to laugh at ourselves while indulging our dysfunction — making our dysfunction actually help us grow and become better people. I like to call myself a functioning Dysfunctional person (actually the title of my upcoming one woman show).


Here are some actual responses from my fans:

Name: Rob
What you wanted to text...:
You look old and i never really loved you. I also slept with all your friends.
Tell me more about your situation...:
I just bumped into my ex, she was unfortunately not bald, ugly and looked hot still. I had leaves in my hair that i had failed to notice for 4 hours.